When I went back to Wesleyan for the GSL presentation, Jarryd and I had a conversation about his study abroad expiriences. He told me that for the first month and a half, being alone in Nicaragua was the hardest thing he ever had to do. But he fought through it, and it became the best thing he had ever done. Honesty, I didn't think being here alone would be this difficult. I specifically didn't want to spend my semester at a University with another Wesleyan student--I wanted to figure this out myself. Well, I'm figuring...and struggling. Most days, I feel as though I'm back in Junior High and I'm the odd kid in the front of the class who is actually excited when the text books are handed out. I want to go to class here. I recently got in touch with the city's repatory theatre and I can't wait to go see their selection of American short plays presented in Polish; there's also a Becht play that I want to see just to Jay and I can talk about it in August. I know that there's a lot of opportunity here for me, and that there's many great adventures that await, but right now in this moment, I don't really like Poland. I feel like somewhere, in the midst of the sinus infection I had last week, I missed the social train. There's a big group of people going to Prauge this weekend, and I'm not sure where I'll be. At this point, I would rather travel with a small group of people anyway--I learned in GSL that large groups take a long time to move/make decisions. So, I want to go places, travel, all that jazz...I just don't know how to. I don't know how to function in Europe, and maybe that's the scariest part. And, if Lori were here, she'd tell me that I have six monthes to figure this out--why am I worrying on week 2.5?
I really think this will all dissolve (at least a little) when I actually get to go to class and start doing all the things I intend to do/learn/understand in Poland. I just want it to happen now, so I can stop feeling like the moronic American with a low alcohol tollerance.
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11 years ago
5 comments:
Haha. It's not just Americans that feel moronic in Europe, lol. We just happen to not live next door so it takes a bit longer for us to get used to the traveling. You’ll be a pro at it before you know it even.
I totally get the junior high analogy though. Only I feel like actually being along in a foreign country, is probably in reality worse than feeling like you’re alone in the foreign world of high school. And as much as college is a big learning experience where everyone comes into their own away from home, living in another country where you're plucked from everything that you've known and anything that's familiar to you (from people, environment, culture, and now even language) definitely forces you to discover who you are without all that. Good Luck! It can be scary while you’re in it, but in the end it’s totally worth it to have that self-confidence.
I think you’re right, that once classes start, things will start flowing naturally for you. I don’t know why that is, but having some sort of actual purpose or tasks to accomplish made some of the unknown bits less scary, at least for me while I was abroad. Just know you're not alone, I'm sure the others there with you are experiencing some of the same (and if they're not yet, they will at some point). Sorry to hear you’ve already been sick. I hope you’re feeling better!
"Honeymoon's over..." That's an OLD song from way back...That's what I thought of when I read this. (Morgan would say that everything reminds me of a song...my head works in mysterious ways!)
STOP WORRYING!!! Just think..."I'm in the moment...I'm in the moment..." Don't think about tomorrow or the next day...what are you doing RIGHT NOW to make this the best experience of your life? And you're right, getting drunk and taking the semester off is NOT going to make this the time of your life. Plus, you can't turn in to someone else, just because you're in a different country. You have to be "Maggie" the whole time...otherwise the experience won't be yours...does that make sense to you?
That does suck that you were sick last week. But you are an intelligent girl and you will find the people (person) that you are looking for.
Hopefully, they'll be able to speak SOME english!! Hee hee!!!
The thing is, not a lot of people get an opportunity like this. You are in an enviable position and I admire you. You are amazing!!! I have no doubts whatsoever that things are going to work out just fine for you...there's a "Steph" in Poland somewhere (scary thought, indeed!!) just waiting to be discovered by you!!
(sorry Steph, my "blog buddy", I just had to do it!) :-)
Don't you dare hole up in that "flat" for the next 5 months...you know, you can go out with people and just drink water or soda...(do they have diet pepsi in Poland...if not, I could never go there)...you don't have to drink beer.
LOVE YOU!!!
I'm sure there are plenty of wierdos for you to befriend in Poland, but really....there is only one Steph, hahaha.
This is true: "Don't you dare hole up in that "flat" for the next 5 months" I almost said something similar in my first post, but it also would have included, "Don't you dare come home!" that is, before you're scheduled to, lol. There was a girl named Katie that I met on my flight, and after the first week there she freaked and went back to the States. But obviously she was dumb, and like the wise one stated, you're smart and pretty amazing. And your name is Maggie. So I'm not worried about you at all.
Ditto....
Hey Maggie! I just wanted to comment on a few things. First, I hope you've found that traveling/studying abroad is a whole lot better than when you first wrote this! Once things get flowing and you find a purpose for your insanity of traveling then life seems less complicated...even though it might be more complicated. You just have too much to think about to worry about the complications though! Second...I guess we should have worked on the drinking thing before you left! Love ya!
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